Dear Baby: 9weeks, 4days

Dear Baby,
This will be the last post I will be writing to you. I just found out today that we lost you very, very early on. For some reason, my body just doesn't want to let you go yet. My heart doesn't either.

In the short time we had with you, we were already so looking forward to your arrival. Your brothers and sisters were so excited to meet you too. They would argue if you were going to be a boy or a girl. You were our tie-breaker baby and now it looks like we won't know who won until someday we meet again in heaven.

I'm so sorry baby. I know they say that it wasn't anything I did and that it was probably due to a chromosomal abnormality. Some people even say that this may be a "good thing" because you were maybe going to be less than perfect. But we would have loved you anyway. I want you to know that.

I didn't expect it to be this hard.... you see, right from the beginning, I worried about you. Something just felt "different". A mom's intuition is a powerful thing. I was silently bracing myself for this moment from very early, but I guess I wasn't as prepared as I thought. I hurt. Alot.

I once heard another mom say about losing her baby: "Our goal as Christian parents is to help our children find their way into heaven. Well, I can say that I succeeded in getting one baby there." I am trying to cling to that thought. I'm trying to think of you there, beautiful, happy and in the arms of Jesus. And I never even had to scold you once to get you there!

So, rest well little one. Keep watch over us and know that you will never be forgotten.

All my love,
Mommy