It finally happened. After eight and a half years of marriage and seven and a half years of parenting, Ryan and I are starting to see differences in our parenting philosophies. And it is a truly good thing!
Ryan tends to rule with an iron fist. As he says, there are no grey areas, only black and white. What he says goes, and there is no negotiating or questioning. He views parenthood as a dictatorship if you will.
I tend to parent more on the laid-back side, using the family structure as a classroom. I try to only say "no" if I am really ready to fight whatever battle I choose to fight. I love the teaching principle of "natural consequences" and use it as often as possible.
For example, the other day, Mason didn't want to get his socks and boots on in order to leave to bring the girls to school. Now, I could have fought him on this issue and forced him to get them on. Ryan admittedly says he would have done exactly that. However, I let him go without the socks and boots.
He cried the entire time, saying his feet were too cold. I kindly pointed out to him that his feet wouldn't be cold if he would have put the socks and boots on. Natural consequences.
Another area where we disagree is regarding food. Food is just something I refuse to make an issue of. I figure, if a kid is truly hungry, he or she will eat. So, rather than make the child sit there and "clean their plate", if they don't eat, they get down and don't get anything until the next snack or meal time. And then if I'm feeling particularly mean, I make them eat the food they left behind before they get anything else.
Ryan HATES that I do this. He believes that meal time is meal time and rather than listen to a crying, whining child say they are hungry later on, they are required to eat at meal time.
But all of this disagreement is so good for Ryan and me in terms of our parenting skills and for our children. I believe kids need BOTH types of parenting. Some kids need more of one kind than the other! :) Our different parenting styles make Ryan and me question our motives. It keeps us from slipping in to lazy parenting, and a "one size fits all" mentality. It makes me aware of times where I need to be tougher and makes Ryan realize that sometimes, it's just not worth the fight. It also teaches the children how to engage with different personalities and types of authority figures.
Our goal is to raise children who are able to think through their actions and make the correct decisions because they know that is the right thing to do, not simply because someone told them to do it. But in the same breath, we want them to understand that there is a time and place where their opinion is of no consequence.
Hopefully, with our two parenting styles meshing, we will achieve our goals without our children spending too much time on a therapist's couch. :)
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
16 Weeks
Alright, I'm not *technically* 16 weeks until tomorrow, but since I had some quiet time tonight, I thought I would post now because who knows what the weekend will bring?!
How Far Along? 15 weeks, 6 days
How I'm Feeling Overall: Wonderful! I finally have my energy back, the morning (evening) sickness is gone, and my belly is not so big that it keeps me from functioning without a waddle. Life is good. :)
How your baby's growing: Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too. The patterning of his scalp has begun, though his locks aren't recognizable yet. He's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, his heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as your baby continues to develop.
Movement? I do believe they are indeed baby movements that I'm feeling. Not on a consistent basis yet, but I will be sitting there and all the sudden feel a familiar little TAP inside my belly.
Food Cravings/Aversions? I think I'm over my addiction to salt and am eating pretty normally now.... which of course includes a healthy dose of sweets. Aaaah, it feels good to be back!
Symptoms: None right now! Unless you count weight gain....
Maternity Clothes? well, I have one pair of maternity jeans out that I just never put away from being pregnant with Benjamin. But I have NO idea where the other ones are! Well, let me rephrase: I know they are in boxes somewhere down in the basement, but our whole back room is full of boxes right now packed for moving. I really need to dig them out though because it's a little creepy that I walk around with my pants unbuttoned all day.
Stretch Marks? Eh. Stretch marks, smetch marks. To be honest, I won't be able to tell if I get any new ones... they'll just blend in with the previous ones.
Weight gain? As of Wednesday, 6lbs. I can't remember if that's good or bad at this point!
Sleep? Yes please.
Best Moment of the Week? Hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time!! I have had two ultrasounds so far this pregnancy, but at neither of them did they turn on the audio. It's so good to hear that steady whooshing sound.
Gender? If the ultrasound were today, we would find out. No promises what tomorrow will bring.
What I'm looking forward to? The ultrasound at 20 weeks.... only 1 month to go!!
Emotions? To be honest, the pregnancy hasn't been as much on my mind lately simply because of all the commotion with selling the house. So any emotions I am having (read: stress) are mostly coming from the house situation.
How Far Along? 15 weeks, 6 days
How I'm Feeling Overall: Wonderful! I finally have my energy back, the morning (evening) sickness is gone, and my belly is not so big that it keeps me from functioning without a waddle. Life is good. :)
How your baby's growing: Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too. The patterning of his scalp has begun, though his locks aren't recognizable yet. He's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, his heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as your baby continues to develop.
Movement? I do believe they are indeed baby movements that I'm feeling. Not on a consistent basis yet, but I will be sitting there and all the sudden feel a familiar little TAP inside my belly.
Food Cravings/Aversions? I think I'm over my addiction to salt and am eating pretty normally now.... which of course includes a healthy dose of sweets. Aaaah, it feels good to be back!
Symptoms: None right now! Unless you count weight gain....
Maternity Clothes? well, I have one pair of maternity jeans
Stretch Marks? Eh. Stretch marks, smetch marks. To be honest, I won't be able to tell if I get any new ones... they'll just blend in with the previous ones.
Weight gain? As of Wednesday, 6lbs. I can't remember if that's good or bad at this point!
Sleep? Yes please.
Best Moment of the Week? Hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time!! I have had two ultrasounds so far this pregnancy, but at neither of them did they turn on the audio. It's so good to hear that steady whooshing sound.
Gender? If the ultrasound were today, we would find out. No promises what tomorrow will bring.
What I'm looking forward to? The ultrasound at 20 weeks.... only 1 month to go!!
Emotions? To be honest, the pregnancy hasn't been as much on my mind lately simply because of all the commotion with selling the house. So any emotions I am having (read: stress) are mostly coming from the house situation.
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