A Visit

The kids and I visited the cemetery today. I'm so glad we went.

I really hadn't planned on going with them, but Samantha overheard me getting directions about where I could find the unborn babies plot in the cemetery and asked if we could go. It was 3:00 on a hot afternoon, the kids were restless, and I thought that maybe it would be comforting to all of us to visit.

Before we left, I was changing Ben's diaper and Emily came in with a handful of flowers that she wanted to give to Elizabeth. I have no idea where she got that idea, but it absolutely melted my heart. We put them in a glass of water and Emily solemnly carried them out to the car.

Once in the car, I heard Emily say, "No Mason, we're not going in the sky!" I asked Mason why he thought we were going up in the sky (already making the connection) and he answered "To see Elizabeth." I sadly explained that we don't actually get to SEE Elizabeth today, but someday we'll go to heaven to see her. He seemed disappointed and confused, the poor guy.

As we pulled in to the driveway, Samantha asked if we could say a prayer while we were there. My eyes filled with tears as I assured her we could.

As I rounded the corner, I could see the statue of an angel holding an infant that marks the area where all unborn or newborn infants are laid to rest. My heart was both filled with sadness at the reminder of why I was here, but also with peace that my baby is resting in such a beautiful place. The area is so peaceful, with a grassy field to the north and large shade trees that keep away the hot rays of the sun.

I stopped the car and the kids ran out to the angel right away. They surrounded their little arms around her in a group hug and Emily placed the flowers at her feet. We talked a little bit about Elizabeth and milled around the area, reading the small gravestones of babies who were 1 day, 4 days, 4 months old. It is so overwhelming to see how many families have been affected by the loss of a baby and to know how much sadness went with each one.

Before we left, we walked back over to the statue and we said a prayer. Emily even got down on her knees on her own accord as we prayed. I wish I would have had a camera to capture the sweetness of that moment; the kids were both so mature and so innocent at the same time.

As we were walking back to the car, Emily burst in to tears and said "I don't want to leave her!" She said she wanted to stay and visit longer. We cried together. I tried to explain to her that Elizabeth is not alone, and that we can talk to her any time we want, but she was just really missing her baby sister at that moment. I was too.

So, it was a sad visit, but I'm glad we went. I'm hoping it helped the kids put a "reality" on something that is so untouchable to them and helped in some small way to teach them about loss and who we can count on in times of loss: friends, family and an amazing God who's love and mercy conquers all.